Back to the Relationship Drawing Board Again…Where’s My Eraser?
Once again (ironically a week before Valentine’s Day), I find myself – back at the drawing board.
I recently ended something…with a certain someone. He’s in transition – most likely moving – and we differ on religion. The Titantic-Tanking Trifecta. He never did anything wrong. There’s just…not enough that’s right. Tough call, but one I had to make.
You’ve been there…let me painfully yet humorously paint the picture.
After investing your lucrative time, wasting youth-filled energy, spending an enormous amount of money, dreaming about future children, cooking Martha Stewart homemade dinners, splurging on weekly manicures, introducing him to best friends, posing for multiple facebook photos, coming up with cheese-o-rama nicknames for each other….you decide to call your “new” relationship QUITS.
In the mere matter of a millisecond, you squander all those COVETED HOURS and literally flush them, shred them, garbage dispose them, then chunk them into oblivion.
Pause.
Then it’s time to RALLY with your “big-girl-but-still-sexy-panties-on” and start this “time sucking cycle” all over again – spending time with a NEW dude. But first, you must FIND that person. Greeaaat….two uphill battles! Add to that the “breakup battle” you already fought…now you’re up to THREE whopping uphill battles….all for the name of luv.
No wonder so many of us wave the white flag in defeat.
After riding a similar roller coaster that ended badly, my friend Miranda recently confessed to me in state of panic mixed with hope, “If I could just take Frank’s sweetness, Jon’s job, Brad’s body, and Todd’s sense of humor…I could create the perfect man. He would be a masterpiece.”
Wait a minute ladies. Uhhh…This ain’t paint-by numbers! Men today are made of PERMANENT INK…permanent markers in fact. Think SHARPIE! At age 35, men are pretty much what-you-see-is-what-you-get. Forget about “adding on” or “subtracting.” Toss aside that “big-ass eraser” from 3rd grade, because you can’t delete his flaws…much less get rid of the deal breakers. “White Out” won’t work either – because ultimately you can’t conceal the truth. At this point, grab a highlighter and focus on the good stuff. OR (do like I did)…move on and go back to the drawing board….knowing your Mr. Picasso is wandering around aimlessly waiting for his artiste to stumble upon him in a bar, on match.com, or in the grocery store (yeah right).
Which is exactly where we started this conversation….
Yes, I would love to “etch a sketch” my perfect man…shake it up….and add more tantalizing characteristics. But let’s face it, this isn’t elementary school art class…this is LIFE…or rather what I make of it.
So, back to my easel one again. Pictionary anyone?
courtesy of this talented cartoonist
Tags: break-ups, dating, drawing board
February 9th, 2010 at 8:54 PM
Ahhh, I was just saying to my roomie today….Back to the drawing board again. 6 successful dates with the same person and I really thought I was on a roll. Thank goodness I still have 45 days left on Match to start all over again.
February 9th, 2010 at 11:18 PM
Nothing like rallying the troops ONE more time!!
February 10th, 2010 at 6:35 AM
It WOULD be so much easier though if everyone COULD copy, paste, erase….
February 10th, 2010 at 12:57 PM
I have to comment for the men who read this… It’s like this for us too. No woman, however good looking, or cool, or “right” for you, is perfect. The key is look for the positive, cause there will always be negatives.
February 10th, 2010 at 4:27 PM
This is good news fellow daters. We’re just about out of closed dating season (Nov 16 – Feb 14), where no one wants to start a new relationship in fear of buying gifts, visiting family and V-Day, and into open dating season (Feb 15 – Nov 15) where singles are ready to mingle. Ending a relationship before V-Day is perfect! Save a little $ on gifts and dinner and kick off the search for the next Mr/Ms Right!
February 10th, 2010 at 11:57 PM
The drawing board metaphor is better than you think…
Even when you go to erase and start over, you usually don’t ever COMPLETELY eliminate all the lines. Especially if a particular “drawing” has been there a while. If it’s a short-lived drawing, the lines usually erase pretty easily. As you mentioned, it’s the ones you’ve invested a lot of time in that you hate to erase.
Here’s an idea. Don’t start drawing anything until a few dates in
… if you make it that far, then start sketching…you might get a different picture.
February 11th, 2010 at 3:43 PM
There is no perfect man (or woman) and everyone has baggage, especially as you get older. So, if you feel you match on the fundamentals, I say give it a real good try. In fact, give it two tries. The dating pool is very, very shallow, so nurture that thing!
February 11th, 2010 at 4:25 PM
When the “chemistry” is there, we make everything work. Compromise becomes a pleasure. When the chemistry is not there, we look for the deal breakers and rightfully so. I think Laura makes a good point… Keeping my fingers crossed!
February 11th, 2010 at 4:34 PM
P.S. I found several definitions of compromise on Merriam Webster online. It can mean several things, depending on the motivation for the compromise.
Compromise can have a positive spin or it can have a hostile spin. For example:
“A concession to something derogatory or prejudicial,” OR…
“Blending qualities of two different things.”
Blending qualities is my kind of compromise!
April 24th, 2010 at 11:18 AM
“Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest”
I found your blog through SISTS. Excellent post, nice twist with a humor. I share your uphill battles right now with a recent/not so recent break up.