Somehow Learning to Say NO
Amidst my hectic, whirlwind work day two days ago, my dad sent me a text message which landed me in “lah-lah land” for a brief moment. Often times, text messages carry NO real substance. This one, however, left me thinking….”Wow, my dad is right”…as I pondered my current existence.
The text message read….”What can you say ‘no’ to…so you have the time to say ‘yes’ to the important?”
As I thought about this simple question, I actually started to tear up ever so slightly. No, I wasn’t PMS-ing, I was rather reacting to my present state of mind – which at that moment – was CHAOS. My dad could sense my borderline panic attack during our earlier phone call, and reached out to me in an efficient time-saving “2010” aka texting manner.
Look everyone….I’m guilty as charged. I’m so busy saying ‘YES” to things that DON’T matter….I become so exhausted I CAN’T enjoy the things that DO matter. Where’s the fun in that stupid practice? It’s “over-saturation” at its finest.
To those of you who frequent my blog, you’ve probably noticed my pathetic absence. Truth is….I’ve overcommitted myself. Forget about the current seven day week…I need a nine day week…plus an extra three days for the weekend. Maybe then, I’ll have time to catch up and actually sleep 8 hours straight.
This spring, I’ve fallen into my familiar “bad habit” pattern — saying YES to everything. I nod yes to lengthy phone calls with friends and family, yes to happy hours, yes to working late, yes to working through lunch, yes to starting work early, yes to blowing off the gym, yes to cutting it too close, yes to facebook, yes to driving across town for events that don’t matter, yes to staying up a few more hours, yes to frivolous brunches, and YES to things I somehow forget about in entirety the next week.
Then I find myself COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED, unable to enjoy the precious moments to the fullest with close friends….or a special friend….or simply glossing over a spectacular moment…or postponing something that really matters.
What happened to the word “no” in my vocabulary? I sure didn’t have a hard time saying NO as a toddler OR teenager. Why did it suddenly sneak away in my 30s? Wherever “no” went, I desperately it back in my life. Oh, “no,” I’ve missed you so.
I’ve decided “we” as women love (or rather LIVE) to overcommit. Dudes don’t seem to have this problem. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. I have never thought to myself…”Wow, my guy friend so-and-so is so so busy and overcommitted in life. He must be stressed.” Mostly, men are better at women at saying NO. (Actually this topic makes for a great future blog post so I’m going to quit typing now.)
Bottom line, here’s my promise to myself….the things I borderline care about will NOT take precedence over the things I passionately care about. Maybe that’s a lofty order…but I consider it a healthy checkpoint.
And to my good friends and close relatives, if I blow you off from time to time, don’t take it personally. I may simply be trying to save my sanity that particular week.
In closing…this is me saying “NO” to writing any more words for this post…and YES to hitting the sack before midnight…just barely.
Tags: Friends, PMS, saying no, working hard
May 20th, 2010 at 8:35 AM
Yes! I wholeheartedly agree to you saying no sometimes. I’m working on that too. There should be a support group for the overcommitted. Life goes too fast if you fill every minute. XO
May 20th, 2010 at 9:16 PM
Yay to you! “No” is a complete sentence!
May 22nd, 2010 at 11:27 AM
Love this blog! GO YOU on deciding to say “No” more often so you can say “YES” to yourself. Since when is being “Selfish” a bad thing? You can’t help the world if your self isn’t getting the love it needs, right? Stopping by for the Lady Bloggers Tea PartY!!!
May 24th, 2010 at 2:40 PM
No is an absolute to keep life in good balance – good for you! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog
Rene W.´s last blog ..Body Clutter
May 28th, 2010 at 1:35 PM
There’s a line in an Ani Difranco song called “Pick yer Nose” that’s always resonated with me (also, it’s just a fantastic song):
“They wanna take me home to dinner/they think I’m a bitch if I don’t go/Seems like the people who actually like me don’t allow me to say no…”
Sometimes we stretch ourselves so thin and don’t want to say no to anyone but the truth is that your real friends will always forgive you for it. I had to cut some ties with people for this reason and it totally sucked but now I get together with girlfriends and we laugh, cry, and enjoy each other’s company in a way that’s refreshing and genuine. We truly look forward to spending time together.
Finding balance in life is never an easy thing but you have to start off small. Your father is the sweetest
And best of luck learning to say NO!
Charlotte´s last blog ..who am I that I should be vying for your touch?
May 30th, 2010 at 11:18 AM
Leaza, I can so identify with this post. Each day I some how find myself overwhelm and exhausted by all the thing I have committed to. The test your dad send you is awesome and I may have to but that on my fridge. We should all start by saying “No” to one request each day and go from there. Before long, “No” will be as freely used as bathroom tissue.
Dani_Zaz´s last blog ..Tantrums: Is this why Moms vacation at the Asylum?