As a sweet southerner, I love my biscuits and croissants flaky. My men — not so much. Talk shop with any woman surviving the dating game and you’ll hear one unanimous complaint…”I’m soooo tired of flaky men!!”
Guys, admit it. You’re pros as stringing us along. I’ve listened to many girlfriends boo-hoo because Mr. Idiot canceled a mere hour before a date using the LAMEST excuse. Yes, if you’re sick, we get it. Just like elementary school, we don’t want your cooties. But be a man and show up to a scheduled date. Come on, if you can make it to the dentist for a root canal…or to your chiropractor for your latest adjustment – then you can show up to guzzle a microbrew.
Case in point – recently I was supposed to go out with Brady, a software engineer. He texted me for a solid week and then over the phone we agreed to meet Tuesday night. Tuesday rolled around…midday I texted him and asked, “What time are we meeting tonight?” He promptly responded, ”I didn’t know we were confirmed.” Feeling very confused, I gave him the “stupid” benefit of the doubt and we rescheduled for Thursday night. Thursday afternoon he texts me…stating…”I can’t meet tonight. I have to go home and marinate my carne asada for my BBQ I’m hosting on Saturday.”
OK, let me get this straight. He blew me off to stay home and marinate meat?!? Evidently marinating beef is more important to this man than potentially meeting the woman of his dreams. Makes sense from a caveman perspective I guess. Call me crazy, but the last time I checked… it took 43 seconds to throw some raw meat in a Ziploc bag, dump in spices, add vinegar and oil, and shake that bad boy up. Maybe he had to “watch” it marinate in real time like Kiefer Sutherland on 24? Heck, I don’t know. I strongly wanted to text him – “That carne asada ain’t gonna keep you warm at night, Senor!” – but to save face, I resisted. The next day after hearing the story, my dad quipped – “He needs to go home and marinate his brain!”
My cute cousin in Austin also got blown off “the day of” by a guy she had plans with one evening. The dork texted her at 10 AM and told her he was leaving to swim in hot springs outside town but would call her in a few hours. At 7 PM he texted her again stating, “Still swimming…” Wow…a nine hour swim! Watch out Michael Phelps. I’m impressed. I bet that guy turned into a poached prune after simmering for hours. I’m surprised he didn’t drown.
Other Last Minute “Day of the Date” Flaky Excuses (as heard by moi and close friends):
1. I don’t know how to date. (Well, you were married once before…so I’m sure this isn’t your first rodeo.)
2. I have to mow my lawn (Buddy, it’s 98 degrees outside and we’re in a red ozone alert).
3. My dad had to change my niece’s tire. (How are these people even related to your dating life?)
4. I pulled my upper back reaching for an envelope in the closet. I was mailing a check for a blind person’s charity group. (So, you’re a liar AND a philanthropist, hmm?)
5. I’ve met someone and want to see where it goes. (We confirmed our date last night so I’m assuming you met this person in the last hour at the grocery store or gas station? Love at first sight?)
6. I need to tile my bathroom. (Even if you start tonight, you won’t be done til Sunday, trust me.)
7. My friend wouldn’t let me leave HER house. (HER house? Sounds like “more” than a friend.)
8. My mom is stopping by unexpectedly. (Really? I thought she lived in D.C.)
9. I have to get up at 4 AM for work. (Don’t you work at a bank?)
10. I’d rather not go, I have social anxiety. (Acceptable in my mind. Thanks for saving me in advance.)
To deal with all these flaky dudes, I’m instituting a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Don’t ask me out…then tell me you forgot you had an organic co-op meeting that evening. The simple truth is – if you don’t want to go out with someone – don’t make plans in advance. And don’t text me incessantly either. I don’t have time to type out a novella on a screen the size of a bar of soap — and neither do my girlfriends. If you’re not interested in a job…are you scheduling an interview? No! That’s because you don’t want to waste your time! So men, apply this principal to dating as well. One flake – women will cut you some slack. But two flakes – well — you’re out. And honestly, if you’re “out” – this thankfully just leaves more room for Mr. Right.
Regarding the carne asada guy… I’m guessing he suffered major heartburn — in more ways that one. :)
NO MORE FLAKY MEN!