Men are like Crockpots, Women like Woks

Cooking — an american institution for the sexes.  Who knew the pots and pans of today – could clearly define a generation of men and women?  Here’s my theory (after dishing dozens of meals and wandering aimlessly through Williams Sonoma) — Men and women resemble DIFFERENT types of cookware.

A man mirrors a crockpot.  He comes in 3 settings: OFF, LOW, and HIGH. Ironically, many guys also share the same stature and physique of the infamous slowcooker — SHORT – STUBBY – and ROUND.  Just like a crockpot, men typically can only handle ONE thing (aka dish) at a time, preferring to spend all their energy (aka burner) on one project alone.  Keeping the recipe simple makes it easier. Add multiple ingredients to their recipe – even a few extra spices – and men are apt to boil over – sometimes quickly.  Many dudes often keep a lid on their anger…or in other words…they simmer!  This can go on for HOURS upon HOURS with no warning signs at all.  Not even a peep – or an ounce of steam.  Then out of nowhere – an overflow of burnt anger!

A woman (unlike their one-dish counterparts) resembles a wok.  We can cook 14 varieties of chopped veggies plus tofu in five minutes flat – NO TIMER NEEDED. With the flick of the wrist, we simply handle extreme temperature adjustments without breaking a sweat.  At the same time, we somehow talk on our iPhones, update our facebook status, flatiron our hair, and convince our BFFs they don’t need “what’s-his-butt.”   Fight a grease fire in our trusty “never-rusty” wok – no problem!   We’ve conquered WORSE situations at family reunions in Arkansas. Perhaps our greatest strength – is versatility using the simple asian cookware piece – or in redneck terms, “a deep fryin’ pan.”  Sauteing, stir-frying, scrambling, and steaming – all come easy – even with the challenge of keeping our eye on multiple burners.

In the end though, when the dishes are dried, and the leftovers “saran-wrapped” up  - women secretly adore America’s most dependable small appliance.  We can’t fathom life without our stable, tried-and-true crockpots. Our cabinets would seem empty.  And men – we know you love our sizzle and spice, our attempt to keep everything “nice.”  Life would be pretty boring AND bland without us.

By the way, can you pass the butter?