What’s WITH Single 30 year-old women and their dogs? …Says the a##hole

A few weeks ago, I was quenching my alcohol induced thirst at Forest Room 5, one of Denver’s low-key hot spots, located in the trendy trenches west of downtown.  If you haven’t been there…imagine a lounge situated in a hip, artificial forest.  Think Ikea meets Gnomeworld (the Travelocity dude)…but in a kosher kind of fashion.

Anywho, I was chatting away with my two Denver BFFs (Celeste and Miranda), when a playa’ in his early 40s approached us and negatively said, “What’s WITH single 30 year-old women and their dogs?  It’s weird.  Single women are obsessed with their dogs.  They always have to leave dates early to go let their dogs out.  Who wants THAT responsibility?” (In other words, he’s pissed b/c female dog owners won’t shack up with him.)

Clockwatch aside, it only took me about .27 seconds to flick the switch – transforming from lovable, flirty Leaza to beeee-atch on a rampage.  I explained to him (in my best calm bitchy voice), “Hey, my dog is loyal and loving, and actually protects me from weirdos.” During my tirade, I whipped out my iPhone, waving pictures of Fluffmuffin (see below) in this divorced dufus’s face – delivering a sermon that would make canines around the world howl with pride.

My dog "Fluffmuffin"

I couldn’t help but defend almost every single woman’s “best friend.”  Growing up, I always told my dog “goodnight” before drowsily falling asleep.  And a few decades later -  Fluffmuffin receives the SAME treatment before I hop under my comfy duvet cover.  Yes…families and single men love their dogs, but MAYBE single women cherish them more.  And if so, I’m OK with that.  (Who else will guard my dirty socks all day?)

I then challenged the bachelor (wearing too much hair gel,) “So, if you don’t like dating women with dogs because there’s TOO much responsibility involved – you REALLY must not like dating women with kids.”

He then sheepily stated, “Well, I have 4 kids.”

Quickly realizing this guy had enough baggage to put Southwest airlines out of business, my BFFs and I turned our heels and left Mr. “Pot Calling the Kettle Black” in the dust, alone in the faux forest.

I went home that night, and let my dog sleep in the bed.  Funny thing, I’m sure THAT guy…was sleeping alone.

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All this “dog talk” makes me think about a popular Youtube clip by Wendy Francisco called “GoD and DoG.”  Check it out…your dog will appreciate it.